Mediate Michigan

It takes two to tango, and it surely takes two to marry. But it takes only one to divorce. Few people know that it is rare for both parents to agree on whether to divorce. Only two couples of the hundreds that I have known over 25 years sat at the kitchen table and calmly admitted that the marriage was a mistake. “Thanks for the memory” is not in most scripts. Typically, in a marriage with children, one person wants out, and the other, realizing that there is no choice, goes along, often far more reluctantly than people know.

It’s not surprising that the reluctant party to the divorce often feels very hurt. It can surely be among the most painful blows of life to be confronted with “I want a divorce” which you did not expect. People like to believe that both partners know when the marriage is in trouble. Not so. Time after time, one partner is content or still in love with the partner who wants out. The human heart plays many tricks. Even infidelity does not always mean that the marriage is unhappy, in a culture of business travel and lonely nights in strange hotels.

via Judith Wallerstein: If Divorce is No Fault, Why do they Fight?.