Mediate Michigan

On my first date with the man I’ve been seeing for more than a year now, we did the usual swapping of information about ourselves, our kids, our work, our homes. Then something happened to give me pause. When the topic of his piano came up, Bob referred to the instrument as “our” piano, which is surrounded by bookshelves “we” modified to fit the piano after “we” bought “our” house.

His description of some ad hoc remodeling left me flummoxed. Who was this “we”? Had I missed a crucial piece of data during the “I have a friend you’ll like” setup call? Was I out on a date with a man who was happily partnered up?

Sensing my confusion, Bob explained that he and his ex-wife do something called “bird nesting,” an aptly named arrangement where the kids stay in the house and the parents rotate in and out. The goal is to create stability for the kids.

I had never heard of bird nesting, and although Bob’s explanation was clear enough, I had trouble getting my mind around it at first. Did that mean they both lived there? If I ever came over and spent the night, would I walk into the kitchen the next morning to find his ex-wife padding around the kitchen in pink bunny slippers, offering me coffee?

Actually, they do both live there. They just don’t live there at the same time. And the fact that I hadn’t heard of bird nesting before isn’t surprising. It’s a rare arrangement, because it’s very hard to pull off.

via Katie Hafner: Dismantling the Marriage But Not the House.