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October 2, 2010
Helping stepparents avoid the big mistakes
As anyone who’s been a stepparent can attest, it can be challenging, frustrating, confusing, and rewarding. And all that work deserves a little recognition. So, in honor of National Stepfamily Day (bet you didn’t know it’s today!), we reached out to three stepparenting experts and asked them the not-so-simple questions: What is the biggest mistake stepparents make, and how can they fix (or avoid) the problem?
Really the most common mistake I see is not at the level of the stepmom or stepdad as an individual. It’s a mistake at the level of the couple: They try to “blend.’’ And believe me, contrary to what the media would have us believe, in the vast majority of remarriages or repartnerships with children, “blending’’ is a highly unrealistic expectation.
That’s why the National Stepfamily Resource Center has asked therapists, stepfamily experts, and the media to stop using the term “blended family.’’ Sure, when couples expect to ‘blend’’ they have the best intentions. But let’s think about what the metaphor of blending implies. It implies that the stepfamily is supposed to look, feel, and act like a first family, as if that’s the only standard of success.
The key to satisfaction, the research suggests, is to relax those expectations of “blending’’ and accept that stepfamilies and stepparents are all different.
via Helping stepparents avoid the big mistakes – The Boston Globe.
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