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We hear a lot about how the courts are biased in favor of mothers when deciding child custody. After a 10 year career as a divorce coach/consultant and doing extensive research on the subject, I’ve come to the conclusion that the courts are not the reason mothers retain custody in the majority of divorces. And, not the reason many fathers aren’t involved in their children’s lives post-divorce.

Below are a few stats from a Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) released in June of 2011.

Married Fathers:

According to the report, a married father spends on average 6.5 hours a week taking part in primary child care activities with his children. The married mother spends on average 12.9 hours. Since two-income households are now the norm, not the exception, the above information indicates that not only are mothers working, but they are also doing twice as much child care as fathers.

via Cathy Meyer: Dispelling The Myth Of Gender Bias In The Family Court System.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have reached a divorce settlement, including a custody arrangement for their 6-year-old daughter Suri, TMZ reported Monday.

In quickly settling out of court, the former couple sidestepped the messy custody dispute some had predicted for them

via Katie Holmes Custody Settlement: 10 Celeb Custody Battles That Lasted Longer.

An associate was recently telling me about her experience with an attorney in court. The attorney was making misrepresentations to the judge. The judge was trying to question her and get to the point. The attorney wouldn’t stop talking and she would not stay on point. This is a case where the attorney is clearly doing a disservice to her client. It made me think of some things that attorneys should do to more effectively represent a client in divorce court. Here are my do’s and don’ts:

1. In preparing pleadings, whether for a motion or a brief, be brief and stay on point. In your motion, or in a brief, give reasons as to what you want and why. Make it clear to the judge what you want for a client.

via Henry Gornbein: How Should Your Attorney Act in Court?.

I’ve found that most people, despite being in an unloving and unhappy marriage, will avoid considering divorce as an option because they believe it will be harmful to their children. I believe the opposite is true — that they are actually doing more damage to their children by staying together.

It’s a well known fact that children need love, nurturing, safety, security and structure in their lives. While initially divorce can disrupt a child’s foundation of security and structure, the long term effects of divorce aren’t necessarily bad. If handled properly, divorce can actually have a positive effect on a child’s emotional growth.

Let’s break this down. Children need love. They need love given directly to them from their parents but they also need to be brought up in a family environment filled with love. Even if two parents love the children directly but are unloving towards each other, it ends up being detrimental to the children. Why? Because children are extremely sensitive — more than most people may know — and will pick up on the dynamics of their parents relationship and internalize it.

via Pamela Dussault: Divorcing For The Sake Of The Children.