Mediate Michigan

AFTER 33 YEARS of marriage, Martha McDowell’s husband told her he wanted a divorce. He provided few reasons. They were trivial, and to her did not justify ending their union.

“He just didn’t want to be married anymore,” says McDowell, now 60. “But he was my best friend, and I expected to spend the rest of my life with him.

“That was four and a half years ago. Today, McDowell, of Hayward, is a new woman. She is a grandmother and works for an arts college, a job she loves. She is active in her Fremont church, and says it was her faith that helped her deal with the emotional issues that come with late-life divorce.”

My commitment to forgive was the most important thing for me,” she says. “I didn’t want to become bitter, and I didn't want my bitterness to poison my children.

“Couples divorce every day. Yet it is particularly surprising when a marriage of more than 30 years ends. Take the recent announcement of Al and Tipper Gore's split. As the news spread, we felt a collective sense of sadness. What were they thinking? Why divorce after 40 years of marriage?

Late-life divorce is relatively uncommon. Sociologists agree that most people who have been married for a long time are happy. Nevertheless, some couples still drift. Marriages of 40 years or more account for 4 percent of divorces, according to Andrew Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins University sociology professor who studies families. It jumps to 8 percent forAdvertisementmarriages of 30 to 39 years, likely because these couples are closer to life's empty nest stage, when children are grown and out of the house.

via The graying of divorce – San Jose Mercury News.