For kids, divorce can be a relief – ‘one of the best things’ ever | home | Not sure you want a divorce but something’s got to give?

March 31, 2008

The good divorce guide

A very insightful article on divorce can be found here.  The author relates her own divorce experiences from breaking up to finding the right lawyer to co-parenting their children.

On handling the divorce itself the author notes:

“Then, how do you go about divorce itself? Lawyers are the obvious option. But divorce through lawyers who believe in confrontation is, these days, frankly for ninnies. Much more sensible is to go to lawyers who see the whole picture, and nowadays there are many family and conciliation lawyers around who, in that bland phrase, “sit you all down and sort everything out calmly over a cup of tea”. Unless you are mega-rich and full of hate, it’s really not worth trying to sort things out in a combative way.

When I got divorced, I got into a pickle. Just as, I imagine, my then husband did. I went to one fiercely feminist solicitor who insisted that I split everything with my husband, notwithstanding the fact that I had put more of my money into our house and that I had a small son to support. Leaving her, I found myself with another, who was determined to screw my husband into the ground. When he sent a letter to my husband demanding £400 a month as maintenance, I pointed out to him that he’d added a nought to the demand; I only wanted £40 (about R650) a month. With an evil chuckle he said: “Well, let’s just see if we can get away with it.”

Naturally, I left him. I eventually ended up with an old family solicitor completely unversed in divorce law, but who had done the conveyancing on the house very efficiently. It was only through him and his kindly words – when I was being too greedy he restrained me, and when I was being too generous he restrained me as well – that we sorted everything out. I think in the end I probably got 25 percent less than I should have, and my husband probably thought he’d been screwed by 25 percent more than he should have – and that way we reached what was probably a perfectly fair agreement.”

The author also has wise words about how to deal with your children and mutual friends.

posted to Divorce @ 10:02 am

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For kids, divorce can be a relief – ‘one of the best things’ ever | home | Not sure you want a divorce but something’s got to give?