Mediate Michigan

Last week a clown walked into my office, decked out in a creepy clown costume, a painted smile and tearfully asked, “My wife and I are already divorced. Is there something I can do to get her the hell out of my life?” The problem was simple — his marital relationship continued because the marital cord had not been cut. The solution was also simple — stop behaving in the role of husband.

The expression “cutting the cord” describes a necessary action to take when it’s time to end a dependent relationship. It begins at birth when the mother-baby cord is cut. Eighteen years later (or 35), the parent-child cord is cut. When divorce happens, there is a spouse-dependent cord that also needs to be severed, though many people don’t know how.

A legal divorce does not automatically terminate the “marital relationship.” Yes, on paper it becomes official, but I’m referring to divorced people who behave in some instances like they are still married. I call these behaviors marital cords, or interdependencies, that maintain a terminated marriage beyond the point it should.

via Nancy Fagan: Cut the Marital Cord, Already!.