Getting along with your ex: Children are hurt when divorced parents duel | home | Divorce can be a dream

February 28, 2008

Children Of Divorce

Children’s perspective on divorce is often rarely addressed, especially in the media.  A two-part series on Children of Divorce which focuses on one family’s journey can be found here Part 1 & Part 2.

The article quotes Marriage and family therapist Jerry Allums as stating:

He says [children’s] emotions can be wide ranging. Younger children may revert to behaviors they’ve outgrown.  Some experience separation anxiety. Older children’s emotions often mirror their parents, showing signs of depression, withdrawal and anger.Allums said, “You may see behaviors at school change, worsen, although sometimes you might see behavior improve because they’re trying to get on their parent’s good side, get the parents back together.”

What do you do to help your children cope?  Work with your ex.  Cooperate with each other and most importantly communicate with each other.

The article further notes:

Marriage and family therapist Jerry Allums says that’s the best approach. He said, “Those children have been shown to have a success rate that’s almost equal to those of intact families. As the child see the parent’s cooperate and communicate for their sake, that child will be able to adjust more quickly and in a healthier manner than otherwise.”He says never force your child to take sides. Keep a routine and similar rules in both parent’s homes. Don’t criticize the other parent or argue in front of the child. Don’t use them as a messenger or go between.
Research shows that when parents can’t overcome their differences, it may have long term effects on the children, especially as they enter into their own marriages and relationships.

It is important to note that circumstances such as domestic violoence do not allow for the type of parental interaction suggested in this article. 

posted to Divorce,Parenting @ 11:30 am

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Getting along with your ex: Children are hurt when divorced parents duel | home | Divorce can be a dream