Mediate Michigan

I was at a party, the kind where bosoms, booze and mouths overflowed. There wasn’t much happening with my bosom, but my then-husband’s mouth was going for it.

“You know,” he said to my dearest friend, “I like being married but living like I’m single.”

When she shared that with me the next day we both laughed. Well, who wouldn’t want to have the best of both worlds — someone at home cooking and cleaning while you’re out having fun? It wasn’t until later, when I discovered his affair, that I realized he was living like that. Then I wasn’t so amused.

But now that I’ve been divorced a few years, I’m revisiting his comment. I think he may actually be on to something, except I’d tweak it ever so slightly. It isn’t all that great to live like you’re single when you’re hitched: single people have a lot of expectations — typically unrealistic — about marriage, and that does more damage than good. I don’t blame them, though; you can’t truly grasp what something’s like unless you experience it. That’s why married people should live like they’re divorced, with all the benefits of expectation-busting hindsight, but still be committed to each other.

via Vicki Larson: How To Stay Married: Act Like You’re Divorced.