Mediate Michigan

While Joe and I discussed ways to reconfigure our family, I began to hear about others who had attempted atypical arrangements. In one case, a couple had bought houses kitty-corner from each other, and they and their new partners and all the kids ate together several times a week. Another couple had continued to work together after their separation and live in the same house, new partners coming and going. Every story bolstered my confidence in the possibility of pioneering something new. Should we buy two little houses near each other (very expensive) or two condos in the same building, maybe on the same floor? We finally settled on a basic plan: one way or another we would share a space where we could co-parent but still live separate lives. We decided it was time to tell the kids.

On a June afternoon, with the late-day sun spilling across the floor of the kitchen, we asked the kids to sit with us at the table. “Daddy and I have something to discuss with you,” I said. The minute our daughter realized what was coming, her face crumpled and she ran to hide at the back of the coat closet. Our son, who was then fourteen, struggled to maintain his composure, and just one tear rolled down his cheek during the conversation. Many times they asked us why. Why did we have to do this? We tried to explain that we had grown out of being married partners but that we would never stop being a team when it came to raising them. In all the years I’ve been a parent, this was the only time I felt that I’d betrayed my children’s trust. They knew divided families where the children bore the brunt of their parents’ failed relationship, and it would be a long time before they believed that Joe and I would still be friends, that we’d remain united as parents, and that we’d all stay together.

via Cate Cochran: Reconcilable Differences: Part Two.